I believe: God loves me. He's not necessarily crazy about you.

I am a believer.

I choose to believe a great many things, including that the future will be better today if people open their hearts and minds.

But not everyone chooses what they believe, and by now it's clear that the only people who really believe George Bush is doing a good job are the same people who have been taught by their fundamentalist church (of any religion) that you believe what you are told—because your you are judged on your ability to believe the unbelievable. Thinking is discouraged, as it gets in the way of blind belief.

And while the ability to believe is crucial for humanity—one has to choose what they want to believe, not just believe whatever they are told.

Here's a list of things "believers" are told to believe.

1. Bush is doing God's holy work. That explains why a lot of what he does doesn't make sense, because it's all part of God's grand plan and it's just too complicated for us to understand, and besides, what are you doing questioning God's plan? Do you think you're smarter than God? You are so going to rot in hell.

2. George Bush is our savior. Because he's speaking directly to God in the white house, rather than listening to all those shrill voices of people like US Citizens and other mere mortals, we will all be saved. Thank you, baby Jesus!

3. God comes before the US government, which is why we must do his work from our tax dollars.

4. God Bless America. Of course. I mean, it's right on the money and everything.

5. God Damn everybody else. This would be on the money but they ran out of room.

6. There is only one God, and he's ours God Dammit! Everyone else worships false gods and idols. We, meanwhile, have lots of statues and saints and things we pray to, but that's OK because they're white.

7. God will forgive us anything if we just confess our sins and apologize nicely and give money to the church. This doesn't apply to Arabs, Jews, Asians, Blacks and Gays, who may say they're sorry but are known to be sarcastic and insincere and would say anything to get out of trouble so they're going to burn in hell while we float around on clouds. When we say this they laugh and say, "We wouldn't want to go to any heaven where you were" which just shows how Satan has gotten to them.

8. God hates fags because they are scary and might want to look at us naked in the gym or God forbid, kiss us when we don't expect it which of course would turn us into fags--it works kind of like vampires and werewolves, which we're also afraid of. We are afraid we are gay but God will save us as long as we only do gay or kinky stuff in the basement.

9. God hates fags because they mock marriage even more than the 50%+ plus heteros who get divorced. We don't want gays or vampires or werewolves to be able to marry.

10. God hates Arabs, all Arabs, no matter what they believe because look, they're wearing dress-like things and scarf-y things on their heads, which means they must be gay, even though they are very hairy and if they were in the US they would have to be waxed.

11. God isn't crazy about Jews--yeah, they're his chosen people, but that doesn't mean he can't be pissed that they don't believe Jesus is his son which is what he told us to believe, and we believe it, despite much proof against it, including in The DaVinci Code which we loved and we're looking forward to the movie with that nice Tom Hanks who played gay but thankfully isn't really because he's married and can't be.

12.God finds the Chinese downright annoying. But he says it's OK for them to make toys and clothes and electronics and almost everything else we buy because they have little hands that are good for this kind of work.

13. We can't wait for Armageddon so we can quit our jobs where we have to work with blacks and Jews and go to heaven with all the right people.

14.We're always right.

15.They're always wrong.

16.Life is black and white, and white is right.

17.God bless us, everyone, except for you, because your shoes look gay.

(P.S.) I don't believe in any of those things. I'm just reporting what I see.